It's over.
Sun is now so it will be broken apart. I had torn the ass kitten again to where it was possible, but they had to destroy it.
I have a very long time nothing written here. Is because I've nunmal bought the book in which I wrote to the last. Since this is now full but, I must escape back to my journal. And rejoice: it is the darkest chapter that I write.
ran for months my relationship with my girlfriend no longer correct. We are constantly zofften, were annoying us constantly. We saw less and less. But I loved my girlfriend and do it still. So I decided to make fire again and save the whole. I went over to her, gave her more time to meet their Zickereien tried to tolerate what me, even if self-praise stinks, but very well managed. There was something in motion, was actually getting better. The relationship gave me back a lot of fun, I could laugh and was happy. Until the fatal day came when I returned from Poland. I had been away for a week, the e-mail correspondence with my old man had me believe that she actually missed me. If they have done so, whatever. Well, I already weeks had discussed with her that she could still go to the event taking place that evening open-air, but I would not. After 16 hours of bus probably understandable. The next day we were right then, told that we had made the week so were, as always in bed, had sex and really it was a sauschöner day. However, there was something different with it. Well, I thought nothing of it further. Strangely, the rapid upward curve of the relationship has stagnated right now. That surprised me. Finally, this week had increased the desire, very much.
But then, last Wednesday, met me a hammer. I asked my friend if we go before I went to tennis training would see. She said no because she had to learn for their exams. I believed her, she has actually tests. So I went to the training and had Fun. Lumpkins was so friendly to us (Fe and me) with you after training. We drove past the house, of course, my girlfriend and I looked there, as always. But what I saw, I erfeute not - it slammed me down. My old lady got in a full of asshole idiots out of the car, whose stupidity is allowed beyond words. She wanted to learn, then? Aha, interesting way. - I was ready. You lied to me then. What reason did they do?
I let fly after all, had nothing for the nerves. WoE No, no homework, nothing. My sister finally convinced me to go with her to the party on the occasion of her last class of the written examination. My sister is yes to the same school as my girlfriend. Consequently, know their classmates my girlfriend and me. Me by sight, but they know that I am the brother. Blah.
Anyway, when the alcohol the girls in their theatrical stages Laber did and I put on the MP3 player found out my sister something she could not tell me in my current major depressive constitution. Also in relation to the nearby train tracks, with whom I flirted. Zugausweichen nunmal is a great game.
The next day - I was not in school, sleep could not. - It was just after twelve, my sister said, had learned what to do. And I broke down: my friend had on the open-air with said guy was going. It was seen as she kissed him and held hands with him.
you betrayed me so ... Why the bloody hell are you doing this? I had you ever been a reason? Great way to thank me for well over a half years. A six-hour discussion followed with my girlfriend. Just four hours, they denied the incident. She would have never told me. And almost four weeks, ago. I sent them home. At that moment I wanted to die. Just die. The pain I felt was just all killing. She was the first man, who managed to break my pride. Thank you, thank you. It does still hurt so much, to destroy this kind of relationship. If she can not just say that they do not feel has more? But apparently they still had the. She would have had no reason, be it just happened. But why has it still made with the flat wanker? Why they lied to me to see him? - I do not know to this day. She said yes, "as daft as it sounds, I did not mean to hurt in some way." - "Have you SUUUPER attempt it, honest bitch!".. That was the conversation about this.
separated Anyway, I am on the night of Friday to Saturday from her. I could not live with that. The relationship and trust had been destroyed. Irretrievably. It is still so surreal to me as though I were beside me and looked at a very stressful film. But in the moments where I find the reality, the pain hits me with the force of a bullet.
Well, it was over. I had called her at night, she asked to come to the pub. But she would not. I drank a brief and went. And I made the decision. I called her again. She wanted to come back, so I found myself compelled to finish the whole thing on the phone. No sooner had I placed the receiver out of hand, came over me Haulkrampf as I had never seen him. I did not know how this is to cry. For years I had it not done more. I grabbed my dog, Backpack and a Six-Pack Premium Pils, left the house, took me to the Viking area and got drunk evil. The Jägermeister helped.
But instead of me feeling better two days later, it got worse. I could not bear the thought of having it not happen again in his arms, to have it not happen again kissed. I could not sleep once again. I slept the weekend with only three or four hours. And so unmotivated these days as I was never was. So I wrote her a text message saying that I wanted to meet with her. I was even willing to forgive her and start over again.
Today I met with her. Viking area. It was already there when I arrived. We talked. But the way we were sitting there hurt so scary, that's indescribable. She was so near and yet so far. Right next to me was the little body that I love you with every fiber. But the tape was broken.
When we went we were annoying the mosquitoes to the benches, I opened a beer, smoked the fourth cigarette. I could not stand it anymore. I took her in his arms. It afforded me not only pressed it to correct. We had not long embraces. We sat a long time so that the knot swelled in my neck, she wept. I asked them how they see it. Whether a new start of it perhaps would be to try it just once more. She said she had only to itself to come clean themselves suffer again. Anyone who believes it. Even in that moment, she lied to me. I know it. We will never get back together. Never. It hurt incredibly. Again and again I learned new heights in negative territory.
It started to rain, the Clock gene walked nine. Their time - they had to go home. She asked me to accompany them. I did not at first. Reluctantly I went.
She took my hand. It was, as always, but yet so strange, so painful. In their corner, the point of departure had come. I looked at her a long time. I probably had tears in his eyes. So will you. I wanted to kiss her, but did not trust me. The next high point. Until she finally said "Kiss me.". I let mich nicht zweimal bitten. Zum wohl letzten Male küsste ich sie. Ich hatte sie nie zuvor so geküsst. Es war nunmal der Abschied. Wir sagten uns, dass wir uns lieben, was nicht gerade hilfreich war, in diesem Moment. Sie musste gehen. Ich blieb stehen, sah ihr die ersten drei Schritte nach, drehte mich um. Der Wikingerplatz, dort wollte ich wieder hin. Man ist so ungestört dort, nie kommt jemand vorbei. Es hätte nur mich und meine Melancholie gegeben. Doch ich hatte keine Kraft dazu. Nach 20 Metern schon setzte ich mich an eine Wiese, unterdrückte den Heulkrampf, öffnete das zweite Bier. Ich sah ihr weiter nach, bis sie verschwand.
Und dann, plötzlich, ging es mir besser. Ich hatte getan, was ich noch tun wollte. Es tut noch always hurt, but at least I am sure that the relationship was not a failure to me and give it a second time will probably. My pride was suddenly there again. It was a terrible rebirth, of suffering and tears. The beer and swinging, for any reason whatsoever, grinning, I set out for home. Since then, I feel pretty good so far. Although it was hard work but to write this.
I can cope with that need. Hopefully I will.
But at least this feeling is gone, to have made a mistake.
I am free and I have again discovered the light in the darkness.
that I may find it.
